Tuesday, June 8, 2010

What $50/night will get you

Once upon a time, my great friend Bubbles invites me to be her date for her company Christmas Party. The party is to be held near Lake Tahoe at a Ski Resort (oooo swanky) and we decide to make a weekend of it... Christmas Party + Tahoe + Snow + Bubbles + me = crazzzy times.

Drive up the mountain is easy, no chain controls and no traffic at all. We check into our 2 star hotel (what $50/night will get you)... and no joke the stench of the hotel lobby is similar to a casino built in the 50's. It is so bad that when we leave our eyes are burning, and we are only in there for maybe 10 minutes tops. We are amazed that The Front Desk Lady is able to stand it.

We get to our hotel room and we agree it is decent enough however it is colder in our room than in the hotel hallway. I turn on the wall "heater" – and realize it is merely pumping in the cold air from outside. Off with that. I then turn on the space heater (one of those old fashioned oil-filled ones) and it S-L-O-W-L-Y starts to push out something warmer than the air in our room. Good sign….however you can only feel the heat if you hold your hand about a ½ inch in front of it. We have no TV remote and we get 9 channels - 1 of them Spanish and 1 QVC. None come in clearly.

We decide to start getting ready and I go to take my shower. I say a quick prayer for hot water. I turn on the shower and I will say there is outstanding water pressure. Ice cold water starts shooting out of the nozzle - however the majority of it instead of shooting into the tub is shooting out the side of the shower head - right into my face and all over the bathroom floor. I try to block the water with the shower curtain as I reach under it to adjust the water to a better temperature. That water was no more than 40 degrees and I briefly wonder if it is being pulled right from the snow bank outside. It is F-ing COLD. I adjust the shower head to spray into the tub and finally feel the water get a little bit warmer, still not anything I would want to shower in.... and then without warning, it is scalding hot. Of course. Like to the point that I do not want to touch it. I play around with the faucet for awhile and finally get it adjusted to a bearable temperature. The water pressure is so strong and the water is so hot that it quickly gets so steamy in the bathroom that it is hard to see to shave my legs. But at least it is hot! And then all of a sudden it is literally pitch black. I can not see an inch in front of my face. My first thought is oh shit the power went out and I am NAKED then I vaguely remember that the bathroom lights had one of those timer switches. I get out and feel my way around the wall and find the switch. Success I can see again! I quickly finish so as not to waste any additional hot water and Bubbles gets in to take her shower. She finishes showering, gets out and we are standing talking to each other in just our towels and all of a sudden, the fire alarm goes off.

We go into the hallway to see if everyone is evacuating and we realize it's just going off in our room. Two brilliant minds working together, we finally figure out it’s getting triggered because of all the shower steam. So we fan the smoke detector for awhile and say to each other -
"Well, at least we know the fire alarm works!"
We find a movie on TV and start doing our makeup and hair. Then the power goes out for real. We go out in the hallway again to see if there is power out there and sure enough the hall lights are on, power's just off in our room. Bubbles calls the front desk and asks The Lady if someone can come turn it back on. Lady says she would send Joe on over to help. We wait for about 15 minutes in the dark and as we are under a bit of a time crunch we are starting to get a little antsy. I call the front desk again and ask how long she meant exactly when they said Joe is on his way. Like - is he on his way walking here from Hawaii or is he on his way from next door? Lady reassures me that Joe is on the property and on his way.

Sure enough soon after that Joe shows up, a nice old grandpa in his sweat suit, and he asks what exactly we have plugged in at one time. The tally is: bathroom heat lamp, 2 hairdryers, a hair straightener, a phone charger, every single lamp and light, the space heater and the TV. He admonishes us for having so many things going at once and warns us that this place is older than him so we have to be careful not to blow the place up. Good advice. I unplug the charger and turn down the heat. Joe flips the breaker and everything comes back on. He leaves and maybe 3 minutes later the power goes out again. We move the hair dryer and straightener to separate plugs and turn off a lamp. Bubbles flips the breaker switch herself (because we don't want to bother poor Joe and we now know exactly where the switch is) and continue to get ready and about a minute later the power goes out again. This time we unplug everything except one lamp and the hairdryer. And flip the breaker again. We hurry up and get ready and make it to the party just in time.

It is an awesome shindig, they really spare no expense. There are lavish decorations, huge ice sculptures on the tables and amazing raffle prizes, the biggest of which is a 45 inch flat screen TV! We don't win anything but regardless we have a great time. After the party, we head back to the hotel. Bubbles invites some of her co-workers to come with us so we can all go out together after. We have a moment of panic on the drive back thinking that we had left without plugging the heater back in and that the room would now be a freezer and the beers we had left to chill in the snow on our balcony would be an exploded frozen mess.

We get back to the hotel and the now completely booked place has not one parking space left. I go back into the ashtray/front office and ask where we should park. Lady suggests we park at the Biltmore next door. (The Biltmore is a 2 star casino for you non-Californians.) I go back to the waiting car to report this and Bubbles does not like that idea one bit and she goes up to have words with the Lady. I tell her to be nice, it is not Lady’s fault. Once in there Bubbles realizes Lady is nice and she somehow convinces her to let us park in one of the two handicapped spots. Ironically, the only 2 parking spots in the entire lot that are not plowed are the handicapped ones. Brilliant. The snow is not deep so we can get the car in there but it is deep enough that Bubbles, her friend Jessica and I are a sight to see trying to maneuver in our high heels and cocktail dresses out of the car in the snow and towards our building.

Crisis averted, turns out one of us did remember to turn the heat back on before we left and the beers on the balcony are not frozen, but perfectly chilled adult beverages ready to be consumed. We change and go out the casinos, walking distance from the hotel. It is a fun night but hardly any sleep. I think I go to bed around 3:30ish. I wake up at 7 and pack up both of our stuff, wake up Bubbles and shuffle her to the car and drive us home. Just in time, it is raining the entire drive down the mountain = snowing in Tahoe!

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