What would you do

Tonight as I was driving home, I called 9-1-1 to report the following incident. 

I was cruising down Highway 50 westbound in the fast lane and I saw up ahead there was a smaller sedan at a dead stand still in the slow lane.  This portion of the freeway is currently under construction so there is a cement barricade blocking the right shoulder.  There is no break down lane.  And for some reason, there were no hazard lights flashing on this stopped car. I immediately thought, "Oh man, that is not good." And as I got closer, I saw that the driver of the vehicle was out of their car standing in front of it in the bright headlights frantically motioning for drivers to move over to the left lane.  I should also add that it was dark, and it rained all day today so the roads were wet.  As I passed the vehicle and driver, I watched in my rear view mirror and saw a car approaching the stalled vehicle, and was luckily able to slow down and move over in time to avoid a collision.

About 30 seconds later, I called 9-1-1.

I can't help but think - what IS the best practice if my car brakes down in an area that has no shoulder and I have no hazard lights?  I certainly do not think I would get out of the vehicle and try to wave speeding cars around me, especially in the dark.  Do I hop over the cement barricade and hope for the best??  Sit in the car and press on and off the brakes so at least the lights are flashing??  Maybe start with the simple stuff - 1) always making sure I have enough gas in the vehicle and 2) knowing precisely where the button is located for my hazard lights.

The Big "O"

Interesting study (link here) I read today...  Shocklingly (sarcasm), there appears to be some discrepancies between the number of orgasms men report to be giving to their sexual partners and the numbers of orgasms women are claiming to actually experience.  I love that someone took the time to study this because it is something I have thought about.  How can we account for this (rather huge) difference?

Women fake it. Some of them often.  Some of them all the time. As in, every time.  And men have no freaking clue.  When asked, it seems most men will proudly report, "No woman has ever faked it with me."  I hate to break the news to you but look at the stats, Buddy.  The chances are high that at least one of those Os was a fibber.  Now whose fault is this?

As much as it pains me to admit this, us women really cannot blame the men here.  We are not doing ourselves any favors here with the faking it.  It is only reinforcing the (insert ineffective-and-sometimes-painful-sexual-technique here).  Rest assured he will be doing the same thing at the same speed in the same position next time.  Ladies -- it's time to step up to the plate and get some honest communication on the table when it comes to what you want need in the bedroom if your goal is to achieve the O.

Technology is probably also to blame.  The porn industry has put some ridiculously high expectations in both the female and male minds when it comes to sex and it is a sexual experience that is readily available 24 hours a day.  Unlike living breathing sexual partners.  I could go off on this topic but I will save that for another post.  Let's just leave it with this - everyone achieves an O in porn escapades.  Often this occurs multiple times within one encounter.  And how convenient that it happens to happen within a limited time-frame.  Porn is not reality.  (Thank God.)

The porn talk leads me to this: I get that men put a LOT of pressure on themselves to perform.  But they often put even more pressure on the women.  "Did you have an O?"*  If the answer is not a positive one, you have simply ruined his world.  Talk about pressure. 

Many women do not take responsibility for their own Os and instead leave it all to men expecting that it's his job to please her.  Let's back this up a step and ask the most important question of all - does she know how to please herself?  Because if this answer is no, my guess is that it's gonna be next to impossible for him to figure you out.

If you fall into the category of a female faker or the category of a man who still truly believes no woman has faked it with him..... please take a look at this study.  Bon Appetit!


*If you really have to ask, the answer is most likely no.

An Animal Lover's Exception

This morning around 2am while me and my kitties were happily tucked into my bed, I am dreaming.  Possibly about chicken pox.  They are itchy.  They are really itchy.  They get worse.  And even worse.  And I finally wake myself up by scratching multiple horribly itchy spots on my arms and pinky finger.  I get out of bed and blind myself turning on the bathroom light and yes, sure enough there are matching brand new swollen bug bites, one on each arm and one huge one on my pinky.  I am in serious need of my mosquito assassin and seriously consider calling him.  I sit on my bed with the lights on determined not to try to sleep until I find the illegal immigrant and send him on to his next life.  I last approximately 15 seconds, and instead resort to putting on a long sleeve top and burying myself in my sheets.  This is not my preferred way of sleeping.  I cannot stand to inhale hot regurgitated previously used air and I now feel like there are mosquitoes crawling on me every 5 seconds in random places all over my body.  My anxiety level is through the roof.  Despite all this somehow I eventually I manage to calm myself down and finally start to drift off back into sleep.....



and then........



"bzzzzzzzzz!!"  RIGHT IN MY EAR. 

I slept like shit last night.


p.s. I am generally an animal lover, however mosquitoes are pretty close to the top of my list of living beings whose populations I feel no remorse whatsoever about personally thinning out.