Babies, Babies Everywhere

Anyone who knows anything about me probably knows about my obsession with pregnancy, babies and being a mom.  A blog post on this topic was inevitable, as this is something I think about on a daily basis.  I have fantasized about pregnancy and babies for at least a decade, realistically probably longer than that.  Some women dream about their weddings; I dream about my future family.  Every time I get the news that another friend or acquaintance of mine is expecting, I get this twinge of sadness.  Yes of course I am happy for them.  Yes I know parenting is the hardest job there is and arguably the most unglamorous.  A parent is solely responsible for another human life for the better part of 2 decades. 

What I cannot wait for and what I fantasize about is:

trying to conceive
those anxious days of knowing I could be pregnant 
the day I find out I am finally pregnant 
sharing the exciting baby news with my husband
my growing pregnant belly
feeling my baby move inside me
my husband feeling my baby inside me
painting and decorating my baby's nursery
wearing cute clothes that show off my belly
giving birth to another human life
breastfeeding
the first smiles
the first laughs
the way my baby will sound when he or she says "mama" and "dada".
a diapered baby butt crawling fiercy across the floor
those first wobbly steps
the discovery of my world all over again through my baby's eyes

And then... I snap out of it.

I force myself to rationalize and quit being selfish.  Now is not the time for me.  I have to think about my future child and the life I want for that child.  I want to give them the best life possible and that includes a mom with a stable career... house... oh and most importantly husband... One step at a time.

ps. One last fantasy...I cannot wait to look like this...