Female Ritual Explained

Today I will explain to you why women change their outfits 5 times before leaving for work.  There's more that goes on there than you may realize...

Let me explain all the factors at play here.  Topics carefully considered (and often in this order): 

1) What is the weather supposed to be like today?
2) What color/accessory/shirt/pair of pants/shoes do I definitely want to wear?  I will then build my outfit around that.
3) How cute, thin or not-so-thin am I feeling today?  The female body varies on a daily basis so consequentially clothing can fit differently day to day.
4) What am I supposed to be doing that day? Meetings, lunches, and other personal interactions that must happen may effect the outfit.
5) Can I locate all items of the outfit I need for my outfit?  Are they all clean?  This includes the right color bra, panties and socks.
6) How much time do I need to get ready? How much time do I have to get ready?

Once the above items are considered and the selected outfit is on my body, often times it just does not come together as I had envisioned.  Especially if it a new ensemble, meaning I have never worn that top with that skirt, or that belt with that dress, sometimes it just doesn't look right.  Also sometimes it just doesn't feel right.  Being comfortable in my clothes has always been important for me and if I feel uncomfortable in what I am wearing, I better think I look damn hot or else I am not going to wear it!

Wanted: A School Psych Position

I am anxiously waiting to hear from my school district as to whether or not they are going to be able to "create" a full time (aka PAID) position for me next year.  I suppose there are 2 parts to that statement.  First a position needs to materialize and second, I have to be offered said position.  It is a stressful place to be in... I have made a choice to stay in the Northern California area for now which severely limits which of the 900 school districts in California I can apply to.  Oh and let's not forget the districts need to have a position open.  And again I need to be offered said position. 

My fears..... that I will get hired at a district where I do not jive with the Special Ed Team.  That I will be making the same or even less than I was at my last job before I had my masters.  And will therefore continue to live in dire financial straits and will be forced to continue working part time at Borders just to make my student loan payments.  That I will be commuting a ridiculously long and trafficy distance in essence cancelling out the cushy education schedule I have been so excited about.  And leaving me little to no time for going to the gym and preparing healthy meals.

Hopefully none of these fears will materialize.  I am trying to remain positive.  I search for School Psychologist job postings daily.  I have secured teachers and supervisors to write letters of recommendation.  I am working on updating my resume.  I am also hoping that just maybe my district will be able to keep me on and I will not have to worry about looking for another job.

I'll keep you posted.

I'm having an affair

Confession time: I am in love with my slow cooker.  I was unaware of just how awesome they are until a year ago when I received one as a Christmas gift.  Slow cookers are great for lazy (read: busy) chefs who prefer preparing large quantities of healthy food with minimal effort.  Some of my favorite things I have made:

Split Pea Soup
Ham and Lentil Stew
BBQ Pulled Pork
Beef Tamale Filling
Veggie Barley Stew
Chicken Tortilla Soup
Bolognese Sauce
Chili
Chicken Posole

Preparing meals in a slow cooker is incredibly cheap when you take into account how many servings you can get out of one dish...I can usually get at least 10 tupperwares full.  I highly recommend splitting up the leftovers in individual servings (cause there's always leftovers with slow cooked meals) and then freezing them.  It's almost like homemade Stouffers except waaay less calories and salt.  I also recommend letting the dishes sit in the fridge for a few days before freezing.  I've found that the flavors really seem to develop on days 2 and 3.  Other highlights include: as the name suggests, slow cookers take awhile so the entire time they are simmering, the house is filled with tantalizing aromas of the meal to come.  Also, when I said that slow cookers were made for lazy chefs, I wasn't joking.  It is recommended to lift the lid as little as possible as it lets a bunch of heat out.  No stirring needed.  Feel free to leave them unattended.  The slow cooker keeps meat moist and it negates the need for using any cooking oil.  One other tip, another friend of mine turned me on to using Reynold's Slow Cooker liners.  Highly recommended for any dishes challenged folks.


I am sure you are now thinking, "Why don't I have a slow cooker?"

Now go get one.  You can thank me later.

Babies, Babies Everywhere

Anyone who knows anything about me probably knows about my obsession with pregnancy, babies and being a mom.  A blog post on this topic was inevitable, as this is something I think about on a daily basis.  I have fantasized about pregnancy and babies for at least a decade, realistically probably longer than that.  Some women dream about their weddings; I dream about my future family.  Every time I get the news that another friend or acquaintance of mine is expecting, I get this twinge of sadness.  Yes of course I am happy for them.  Yes I know parenting is the hardest job there is and arguably the most unglamorous.  A parent is solely responsible for another human life for the better part of 2 decades. 

What I cannot wait for and what I fantasize about is:

trying to conceive
those anxious days of knowing I could be pregnant 
the day I find out I am finally pregnant 
sharing the exciting baby news with my husband
my growing pregnant belly
feeling my baby move inside me
my husband feeling my baby inside me
painting and decorating my baby's nursery
wearing cute clothes that show off my belly
giving birth to another human life
breastfeeding
the first smiles
the first laughs
the way my baby will sound when he or she says "mama" and "dada".
a diapered baby butt crawling fiercy across the floor
those first wobbly steps
the discovery of my world all over again through my baby's eyes

And then... I snap out of it.

I force myself to rationalize and quit being selfish.  Now is not the time for me.  I have to think about my future child and the life I want for that child.  I want to give them the best life possible and that includes a mom with a stable career... house... oh and most importantly husband... One step at a time.

ps. One last fantasy...I cannot wait to look like this...

2010: A Year In Reflection

As tradition has it, New Years is a time of making resolutions for the coming year.  I think that before we can make plans for the future, it is important to look back at our successes and challenges from the previous year.  Having an clear understanding of where we have been often gives us a much clearer picture of where we are going. 

So without further adieu...

In 2010:

1. What did I learn? 

In my past I've tended to pay so much attention to what other people think of me and to their opinions of what is going on in my life that I sometime lose myself.  I really feel like I am finally learning to listen to myself first.  My own opinion is now the one that matters most to me. 

2. What did I accomplish? 

I accepted an internship offer with a great school district and was able to get a great part time job in a horrible economy.

3. What would I have done differently? Why?

I would have finished all of my Deloitte work and my research project for my Master's Program about 6 months ago!  I also wish I would've saved more money when I was actually making money so I would not have to be working part time now.

4. What were the most significant events of the year past? List the top three.

Getting my internship, my relationship with Brent, and my family offering to help me financially.

5. What do I feel especially good about? 
I am proud that I have been working my ass off at my 2 jobs and that I was easily able to transition from a job where I was twiddling my thumbs all the time to 2 jobs where I never stop moving.  I finally feel useful and accomplished at work again.  Yes, even at Borders!

Every year I feel more confident in who I am and I have accepted that I will never have a Victoria Secret model body, I will never have naturally blond hair, and that its ok that I have not gotten married or had children yet.  This year especially I felt myself rise into a comfortable place of self acceptance and love.  I have accepted my own apology for life not going exactly as I had it mapped out.  And you know what? My life is pretty fabulous regardless of prior plans.

6. What were the fun things I did?

Turning 30 was fun.  I was happy to say goodbye to my 20s.  I had a fantastic time on my trip to Maui and all of our trips to Tahoe. 

7. What were my biggest challenges?
Living on a tight budget after living the easy life for a few years has been a challenge.  The break up with Brent was devastating and temporarily debilitating.  I was a wreak for over a month.  But I was glad that I stuck to my guns.  I knew that our relationship as it had been was broken and would never survive on the course it was on.  Also, it has not been fun working so many hours at 2 jobs that are both exhausting.  But, repeat after me  ~it will all be worth it in the end~

8. How am I different this year than last?
I am much more sure of who I am, what I like, what I do not like, what I stand for and what is important to me.  I have realized it is better to be single than to be in a relationship where any of those things are compromised.  I have also made the choice to let some of my toxic relationships go, as they were only bringing me down and causing me pain.  Quality over quantity is a new concept to me when it comes to friendships.

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?
My dearest girlfriends, who are like my family.  They are the strongest women I know and they inspire me in so many ways. Jenny, Laura, Jodi, Brooke, Beth, Becca, Kim, Traci and Mary - my favs!!

Also my Grandma.  I have a very special relationship with her and I an constantly inspired by her wit, wisdom and women-pride!


And last but not least, Brent.  He has been amazingly supportive and caring since I began this roller-coaster of interning and book-selling and I cannot thank him enough for that. 

10. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?
Easy. The Fucking Facebook.  

11. What was the best way you used your time this past year?
Being alone in this apartment as a 30 year old and being 100% ok with it.  

12. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2010 for you.
I am going to use a quote I just heard for the first time and instantly loved:

Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got. 

~Janis Joplin

The power of love

Anyone recognize whose lap I am sitting on in this pic?

If you guessed Huey Lewis, you are right! 

After the signing, his drummer Bill (the other old guy sitting at the table) hit on me: "You're gorgeous, how do you feel about older men?"

Ah, the perks of working at Borders.

It's Serious Time

Brent and I have agreed to have some serious conversations this weekend.  I found an article in my latest Glamour magazine with important topics for couples to discuss to answer the question...

ARE YOU READY TO GET MARRIED?

Here are the questions:

1. How important to you is spending time with family?
2. Money is best used for _________________________.
3. What's our financial goal for the next 3 years? Five?
4. Who should handle the finances?
5. Do we have a budget that will help us achieve our financial plans?
6. Do we know how much we owe and to whom?

The rest are agree/disagree statements:

1. I am comfortable discussing our financial affairs with my partner.
2. I can live within my income.
3. We have discussed whether we will have separate bank accounts.
4. I am feeling some pressure to get married.
5. We have discussed our feelings about having children, and about how to plan our family.
6. Sex is extremely important to me.
7. Sex is necessary for happiness.
8. Sex is a good sign of a couple's love.
9. I am afraid of being sexually unsatisfying to my future spouse.
10. I am satisfied with the amount of romance in our relationship.
11. I will feel comfortable letting my spouse know that I am in the mood for lovemaking.
12. I have the right to say no to having sex.
13. I will feel comfortable initiating lovemaking.
14. Our sex life will cool off as we grow older.

It will be interesting to see how these conversations go.  I agree that these are some valuable (albeit potentially challenging) topics to discuss.  I have my own guesses as to what Brent's answers will be, but maybe he will surprise me.  He's been know to in the past.